OMFG. It’s the Halley’s Comet of blogs. Wecome back!

I Moved

I moved and started a new job. Then when I had a bad day, I asked my old boss if he’d consider hiring me back. He said they’d love to have me back, but then I stayed at my new job.

I’m…such…a…little…bitch…

Changing up your whole world when you are on the dark side of middle age is a fucking challenging thing. I don’t mean to wax on about getting old [again — see my previous post from four years ago], but it really does change the way you operate. Hence the old adage “don’t trust anyone over 30”. I mean, yeah, some of it is ill-intent because you’ve gotten salty and adopted a DGAF attitude. But a lot of it is just the brain not working the way it used to, and going into flight-or-fight mode for stupid things. Desperately clinging on to bygone dreams

I miss my friends. I miss the places and things that are familiar. I am having imposter syndrome pretty hard. And I wonder if I’m faking imposter syndrome to cover up the fact that I really don’t know anything. Any kind of social anxiety that I had just got turbocharged by all this.

All in all, though, life ain’t too bad.

I no longer have to worry about some things. And in trade, the things I do have to worry about now can be planned for. It is a much better situation that I am in now.

My Dad Died

That sucked. He died in February of 2019. I wasn’t there at the bitter end. I don’t know if he wanted to spare me that experience even as he was laying there unconscious. I can’t really it remember well; it was like one long blurry day, even though it was like, two weeks? Shit. I just remember telling him I needed to head home, that I loved him and would visit again. Then he died the next day.