Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic.

I don’t have any friends in meat-space.

That’s not quite true either, but I don’t want to define the relationship I have with that person as “friends” because I’m not sure if they think that way, although we are “friendly”. Maybe we are growing into friends, but perhaps it’s too soon to say. I will find some way of sabotaging it eventually, so let’s not count that.

I jettisoned my long-time best friend because he was a narcissistic psychopath, and it just took me that long to realize it. It wasn’t that he was 100% evil — he did nice things, moral things, but just not as often as not. At some point, you do the calculus and realize, wow, this isn’t good for me, and I’m just enabling his behavior. A little like The Banshees of Inisherin, but not as dramatic.

For the old-but-not-quite-that-old, it can be difficult to make new friends, especially if you don’t already have your base set of friends. All my meat-space friends either turned into cyber-friends or weren’t friends anymore once I moved away from the west coast to the east coast. There were a few folks that I thought I might make friends with, but…it…was…kind of…clear they didn’t think so. Is there a “just friends” category for friend-type relationships? Like, “say hi at the grocery store” guy.

A large part of this is definitely me. Trying to fake the norms of social interaction is tiring. It becomes apparent after awhile that I just can’t keep up with the socializing to make to past the point of being an acquaintance (wait, was that the word I was looking for?). It isn’t that I don’t like you, I’m just tired.

My face doesn’t help either. RBF-for-life.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Perhaps I just want to bemoan this particular facet of my existence. It strikes more so when I have something of great interest that I want to share, and there’s nobody there to share it with. That does suck.

Song of the day: