I was trying to remember what internal crisis I was inducing last night. Then I remembered this morning: today is the last day of my very lovely two week vacation. Which means that tonight when I lay my head to rest for the night, it will be filled with an onslaught of thoughts about work, the issues that I left behind before vacation, how to solve them, how I am really just a very mediocre technology worker, and probably a few dreams about my teeth falling out, missing a final exam, or being naked while looking for my 4th period classroom.

I don’t have a problem with work, per se. I do have a problem with keeping schedules, working under the real or imagined threat of having to never make a mistake for fear of losing my job, dealing with end user complaints about… whatever. If you are ever feeling good about yourself and your work, go visit your company’s forum/channel where the product devs/engineers hang out.

I came to the not-so-surprising realization that all things being equal, not working trumps working 100% of the time. Note that I didn’t say “being unemployed”, which is fraught with it’s own perils. If I could just figure out how to maintain my current income stream and not be subject to the aforementioned negatives of working…that will have to be a “thought bone” that I chew on in the background for a bit.

That said, vacation was relaxing and productive. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t get all the things done that I wanted to, but a decent number of things did. I did fuck around a lot, which I will defend, is the point of time off. It’s disheartening that people use “vacation” as a period to catch up on the other work of maintaining their lives.

My brain stopped outputting data. Guess I’ll end it here.